Until the sun sets
by orestesfastingandpyladesdrunk
Summary: Grantaire left him, and now Enjolras doesn't know what to do. (Sorry I suck at summary but this is very angsty I mean I cried while writing it)


_Step one, you say "We need to talk."  
He walks, you say "Sit down it's just a talk."_

Enjolras layed on his side, thinking. The thin sheets covered half of his bare chest as he thought back to that night. He remembered everything that night, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't forget it. But he secretly knew that he didn't want to.

He remembered how broken Grantaire looked. He remembered how he himself cried for the first time in years. He even remembered that unfinished letter that sat upon Grantaire's desk addressed to him. He still never read it.

Enjolras turned around in bed to meet the curly black hair of Montparnasse. Oh, how he wished it were Grantaire's. He noticed that R had more of a stubble than 'Parnasse, and while 'Parnasse was rough, Grantaire had always been gentle with him. He recalled how Grantaire would say 'I love you' to him every five minutes and find any excuse to kiss him. He recalled how Grantaire would always make time for him and how he wouldn't eat until Enjolras did, mostly because Enjolras would spend all his time working and none of his time taking care of himself.

"Enjolras..." Montparnasse muttered beside him as he went to wrap his arms around the blonde god. Enjolras took this time to observe his lover. He never truly loved 'Parnasse, but he stayed with him anyway. But in all honesty, waking up to him everyday, and not Grantaire, never made him feel any better.

_Lay down a list of what is wrong  
Things you've told him all along  
Pray to God he hears you  
And I pray to God he hears you_

Combeferre and Courfeyrac dragged him to church that day. All his friends hugged him but all he really wanted was to be alone. No jokes were cracked, no comments were made. None of them bothered to say anything. There was really nothing to be said.

He looked around the church and spotted curly black hair. For a second, his heart stopped. Could Grantaire really be here? No, of course he couldn't be, Enjolras thought. And his theory was confirmed as the man turned around and he was met with the face of a stranger.

The other people there talked to him about Grantaire, and if he was close to him. As usual, he replied with a sad, small smile and simply said 'We were good friends.' But of course it was a lie.

He listened to them talk about his beloved R, and oh, how wrong they were about him. They spoke of his drinking problem and how he dropped out of college, but of course that was all they knew. They don't know him like Enjolras does, and he wished Grantaire was there to tell them that. He wished he could have told them that, but he just didn't have it in him, he felt empty.

After church, Jehan dragged them all to dinner and as much as Enjolras wanted to, he didn't have the heart to say no to him. They went to some random restaurant Enjolras didn't know the name of, but he was thankful Jehan didn't bring them to the Musain, too many memories of Grantaire.

Enjolras ate quietly, in fact he barely touched his food. They didn't even bother inviting Montparnasse, which Enjolras was grateful for, even if they knew about their relationship. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Eponine l0oking at him with a sad smile. _Pity._ All he got was pity and he was tired of it. Maybe that was why he enjoyed Montparnasse's company so much, because he never pitied him. He just listened to him then shagged him in attempt to comfort him.

_As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice.  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed_

He'd be lying if he said that he and Montparnasse weren't emotionally attracted. Enjolras had grown to care for him and Montparnasse had grown to love him, but Enjolras wasn't ready, and Montparnasse knew that, but some nights he forgot.

"Enjolras, it's been months. We've been together for months, and you know I love you." 'Parnasse said to him as Enjolras stared at the picture in his wallet, the one with him and Grantaire.

"I know," Enjolras started softly, more to himself than to the other man. "I know. I just... need some time. That's all."

"I've_ given _you time. I've given you so much time!" He shouted, causing Enjolras to look up from the photo but not flinch. "I've been with you the entire time and listened to cry about him every night. What about me? What am I supposed to do? I can't spend the rest of my life loving a man who's in love with somebody else. I'm not gonna live knowing that I'll always be second."

"Montparnasse... Please. You know I care about you-"

"Care about me? Enjolras, name one thing that you've done for me." Enjolras stared at the ground, saying nothing. "_Exactly._You _don't _care about me. All I am to you is a human pain reliever. Well I'm sorry but I am done with whatever this is. Maybe if you actually knew how to treat a person right, he'd still be here." Enjolras looked up to glare at him.

"Don't talk about him. You don't know anything about him." Enjolras whispered with an angry tone. Montparnasse just laughed.

"Admit it. _You _ pushed him away. You did this. You pushed him away, you pushed your friends way, hell, you've even pushed your own parents away. And now you've pushed me away so I hope you enjoy the rest of your life alone." Montparnasse told him before walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

_Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness_

It was a sunny autumn day when Enjolras decided to visit Grantaire. He wore the jumper Grantaire left at his flat that one time they watched Shrek about twelve times.

He didn't bother getting him flowers. He knew Grantaire wouldn't want them anyway. He always said that they were too conventional and that you should never put him in charge of a living thing because he'd kill it, which is probably why he never got him a puppy.

He walked down the cobblestone road until he saw him. There amongst the grass, so peaceful.

Enjolras walked up to him with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, or Grantaire's hoodie.

"Hey." Enjolras croaked. His eyes were already tearing up. "I've missed you. I'm sorry I haven't visited, I wish I did but I couldn't bring myself to." He didn't expect a reply, and he didn't get one. "I thought I saw you at the church a few months ago but I knew it wasn't you. I wish it was you. I wish you were there when they talked about you. I wish you made those cynical remarks likes you usually do. But you didn't. And I couldn't do anything about it." By this time, tears were falling down Enjolras' cheek. "I just-I just wanted to know why. Why did you leave? Why'd you have to go? You left everyone. I understand that everything was hard for you, but you left _me._ You couldn't have stayed? Not even for me? Not even for your Golden Apollo?" Enjolras wanted to say more, he wanted to tell Grantaire all the things he didn't, he wanted to scream, but the lump in his throat stopped him. "But it's okay. It'll all be okay. I'll see you soon and we'll finally be together again. _I promise._"

_And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

And Enjolras kept that promise. For on the night of that same day, Enjolras sat alone his dark, cold room, hands trembling, before taking away his own life.


End file.
